she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
