i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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