my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
