new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
