Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
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I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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