I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
