Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
