It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
