if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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