The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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