someone get that fucking seahorse.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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