good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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