Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
