i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
