You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
