great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
