Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
