I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
BRING THE BAGELS
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