Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She needs sedatives and a leash
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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