Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
