dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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