it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
