im drinking this country out of the recession.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
