we have officially lost it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
