ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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