my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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