Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We talked him into tasing himself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
