A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
