Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
