It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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