I wish I only lived at night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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