She went from zero to smokin in five shots
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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