good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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