i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
