Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When are your genitals available?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
