It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
