You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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