ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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