I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can you bring me the toilet please
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
