A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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