When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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