this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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