matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
