I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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