dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
