so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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