You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
