You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
