Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
