Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
