we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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