Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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