College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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