I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
