you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
