I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
