I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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