I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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