I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
